Monday, April 16, 2007

F'ing retarded commercials

I haven't blogged in about a million years. But something finally happened to make me come back. And it was those F'ing retarded new Viagra commercials. In this series of ads, idiots speak gibberish with "Viagra" as the only recognisable word. Then we get the tag line: “the international language of Viagra.” I can tolerate gibberish for about 2 seconds before I change the channel, so the ads fail instantly with me. More importantly, Viagra is a pill that gives old men boners. How can you screw up the marketing of a pill that gives old men boners? Toronto ad agency Taxi managed with this shit campaign. Here's my Viagra ad campaign, donated to Pfizer out of the goodness of my heart.

We open on an old man frowning. The he takes a pill. Then he smiles. Then we get the tag line "Viagra gives old men boners." End scene.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

NBC’s Friday Night Lights

I’m not incapable of suspension of disbelief. A two hour movie that spans several years doesn’t bother me. I even kinda liked the flying luck-dragon in The Neverending Story, but that’s not the point. If you have a TV show called Friday Night Lights, why on earth would you schedule it for Tuesday night? Yes I can use the TV guide. Yes I can look things up on the Internet. But do you want to put an extra obstacle in front of a lazy ass like me who just wants to watch some mediocre TV?

It's a show about small-town Friday night football that gets aired on a Tuesday. I get that. But what night is Monday Night Football on? Case closed.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Another Day in Arkansas

Yahoo News is reporting that “a Little Rock man whose SUV was cut off in traffic was arrested after he allegedly shot at a motorist with a crossbow following a brief chase.” It’s an interesting way to express anger, and one that you wouldn’t expect to see outside of the Southern States. In a surprising twist, the suspect was drinking beer rather than moonshine. Do all the normal people in Arkansas (and yes, there are a lot of them) get annoyed when the drunken yahoos perpetuate the negative stereotype? I know I cringe a bit when Canadians give maple syrup or fur hats as gifts.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Been Abused by Collection Agencies?

A TV producer has contacted me looking for people who have been threatened, harassed, berated or otherwise abused by a collection agency. Have you been mistreated in such a way? Does the prospect of some sweet televised justice excite you? If so, send me your information (use my mailman account) and I will pass it on to my contact. Who knows, you may end up sticking it to those jerks who have been sticking it to you for years.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Myspace: Wow!

It took Myspace all of 19 minutes to delete from Chad Ronning's blog all the content that he had stolen from me. Big congratulations to everyone at the Myspace Copyright Department for a fast and fair enforcement of their terms and conditions and of copyright law.

User-generated content like you find on Myspace, Youtube and similar sites is the only thing keeping the internet from becoming a weak reproduction of broadcast television. Thieving douchebags like Chad Ronning devalue original internet content.

As a general rule, anyone who wants to use something I've written just has to ask - I'm hardly a copyright nazi. Just show some basic courtesy. Better yet, write your own stuff.

Who would bother to steal my stuff?

I'm very interested to see how Myspace responds to the letter below sent to their copyright agent. Will they enforce their terms and conditions? Will this Chad Ronning fellow stop stealing my material? Will the 4 people who read his site wonder where all his blog entries went?

I'll let you know if I get a response.
Dear Myspace,

I am the copyright holder of all materials published on, including specifically, the page some of the content of which has been re-published word-for-word on Myspace at without proper citation, without approval by me, and without attempt to contact me requesting approval.

Specifically, the entire text of blog entries dated October 2, 2006; July 26, 2006; July 23, 2006; July 1, 2006; June 8, 2006; and June 6, 2006 reproduce word-for-word entries from my web page This content, reproduced without permission constitutes the majority of the web log of user 'cronning' (Chad Ronning).

This is in violation of Section 9 of the Myspace terms and conditions and I request that you remove the offending blog entries from Myspace or, if neccessary, cancel the account of the user.

I certify on penalty of perjury that the above information is true and that I am the holder of the copyright for the material described above.


Adam Scott

Friday, August 25, 2006

Starbucks Video

She's cute, she's angry, she's funny. She makes my angry heart go pitter patter.
Check out her video before lawyers take it down.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Blatantly Unprepared Gameshow Contestants

If you can’t swim, don’t go on Survivor. If you’re afraid of spiders, stay off of Fear Factor. If you’re an idiot, don’t fake your way onto Jeopardy. You’re just embarrassing yourself and taking the opportunity away from more worthy contestants. My old university roommate could list to-the-penny prices of Rice-a-Roni for the years 1982 through to 1999 (adjusted to 1999 dollars) then add up the total and know exactly how far it was above or below the price of a Sunbeam four-slice toaster. But he never got his shot at Price is Right glory because some Hawaiian-shirt wearing dude who can’t guess the price of a Chevy Malibu within $10,000 keeps getting the order to ‘come on down.’ Oh the humanity.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Ski Masks Re-Revisited

Here's all the proof I need that the world would be a better place if there were no ski masks. Thanks to Pat McN. for the link

Man robs fudge shop wearing women’s underwear as mask

Friday, July 14, 2006

Ski Masks Revisited

Many of you laughed at me when I put ski masks on the great big list of things that make me angry. Many of you disagreed with my stance that they are a public menace with no redeeming qualities. Many of you thought my campaign to have them renamed “robber masks” was a waste of time. But at least one public official has joined the fight against ski masks (albeit a full year after the campaign began). Los Angeles Police Chief William Bratton has proposed stiffer sentences for criminals who wear ski masks when committing crimes. The chief proposes adding two years or 25 percent of the sentence, whichever is more, for wearing a mask. Thanks to Eric for flagging this