Tuesday, June 06, 2006

More Monkey Chow Chat

Well, I'm thrilled to see all the comments and questions. Frankly, if nobody cared, I probably would have quit by now. A personal test of willpower, that's one thing, but delighting others with my self-imposed agony, well that's a whole different story. I'll try to respond to everyone's questions and comments via the blog.
  • The first thing I will be doing when this is over is eating a large steak and drinking a glass of milk.
  • The chow/coffee/vodka smoothie is a brilliant idea and currently under consideration.
  • Yes, I use a bowl to soak the chow in and I drink from a mug. That's pretty minimalistic, so I don't consider it outside the rules. Anyone who disagrees can take it up with the rules committee of the International Monkey Chow Federation.
  • Somebody did a lot of research into all the nasty things that can appear in animal food in general. I'm not a scientist. Even my health and science advisor (the aforementioned Scooby who talked me into this) isn't a scientist. So I don't know much about chemicals and diseased meats. My theory is that monkeys are almost people, so monkey food is almost people food. Science is over-rated.
  • No, neither Leno nor Letterman have contacted me. Not sure I would go anyway - I hate that airplane food.
  • A post from a guy named "random biologist" actually reassured me a bit about the viability of the diet. I've placed my life in the hands of an anonymous internet user. What could go wrong?
  • Lots of people are suggesting I eat some fruit, which I agree is a good idea. But do I seem like the kind of guy who pursues good ideas?

That's it for now. I'll answer some more tomorrow. Time to crunch into some MC.


Blogger eddie said...

You're an amazing human being. What would happen if we created human chow, and flavored it like Combos. That would also be amazing.

7:24 PM  
Anonymous scott winner said...

Hello Adam,
I am not a biologist, but I am a chemist. I work for a company called Intertek Agri Service. This is a global inspection and testing company for bulk agricultural products. It is correct that you could be eating food that is not safe for human consumption. The rules for processed animal food are different for processed human food. But chances are the stuff is so dry that it does not contain and living bacteria. There are a variety of bacterial excisions that are toxic that might be present.

If you start to come down with flu like symptoms, you should stop and go to the doctor. Mycrotoxins can kill. There is also no provision for radiation, heavy metals like lead and mercury or seed toxic to humans.

But assuming that the food is safe, it is probable not balanced enough to be complete human nutrition. I would recommend sending a sample to me for analysis. We do food labeling, so we can check if it meet the USDA recommended allowances for vitamins, minerals, fiber, etc.

Here is my contact information
Scott Winner

Good luck!

7:25 PM  
Blogger Misty said...

This is really a good experiment. The way things are going with societal obesity and governmental handouts, I can see something like Monkey Chow being in our future.

I couldn't stop laughing at your videos, though I do feel sorry for you :D

7:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

please please please continue this experiment. people like yourself looked at a cow and said "i think i might drink what comes out of those big pink things down there!" and look what it did for man kind. yes, there is a risk you will give yourself a horrible disease, yes there is a risk you may severely damage your pancreas, and yes there is a risk you may be scaring people about this experience at dinner parties for years to come - but the point is - YOU HAVE TO SEE IT THROUGH!

on behalf of all of us guys who have randomly wondered "hey - i wonder if i could just eat cereal for a month?" i salute you!

8:23 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

I was reading over the PDF fact sheet you presented. It sugests "If the animal is reluctant to accept the diet, the biscuits can
be soaked in fruit juice to increase palatability or to improve mouth feel."

Since you seem to be having trouble with "palatability and mouth feel" (or so your video mentions) I would try soaking it in organge jusce or cranbery juice or somthing to try to give it some taste.

I take no responsibility for this advice whasoever unless it turns out to be good advice. I am not a health professional, or a chemist, or biologist, or even a food worker. I am a librarian trained to seek solutions.

So give the juice a try. At least on the last day.

8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you get the same legal warning letter we did from the "real" Monkey Chow folks? The legal team at at Nestle Purina PetCare Global Resources, Inc really went "ape."

see their letter- and our response: http://www.acsh.org/factsfears/newsID.758/news_detail.asp

Jeff Stier

8:31 PM  
Blogger jmgorman said...

How did you find out about monkey chow diet? I would never have expected a large enough population of monkeys in north america to require the production of primate-food. Are there competing brands? Does 'Kibbles-n-bananas' offer to make your monkey's coat shine? I always figured monkeys were fed old lettuce and semi-putrid goat meat, but this is soooo much better.

Oh, and stick with it, I'm sure you'll get used to the taste. If not, maybe you could mix some chow with water and let it ferment for about a week. It might approach the forbidden cooking threshold, but monkey chow beer might get you drunk at least.

8:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, check this out

8:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with you, man! Don't succomb to the fruit-adding faction of your supporters! Heed the advice of the ZuPreem professionals:

"It is also not necessary to supplement this diet with fruits or vegetables that may upset the balance of the diet. Great care should be taken to limit the amount of fresh produce fed, as many of these food items are very palatable but have limited nutritional value to the primate."

While I don't support those green-loving fans of yours offering you fruit, I do support the coalition to extend your experiment to a full month. You sound like you're Canadian, in your videos. If so, you have great health coverage, and should track your health (while simultaneously supplementing our reading pleasure) with the stats of your full blood-work. Make your fellow tax-paying citizens pay for this advancement in knowledge.

good luck.

9:06 PM  
Anonymous Jax said...

Oh dear God, you seem miserable. Luckily for all of us, your misery is hilarious. Hang in there, I'll definitely be watching for the rest of the Monkey Chow Diaries.

9:10 PM  
Anonymous Kristoff The Barbarian said...

"BHA is generally used to keep fats from becoming rancid. It is also used as a yeast de-foaming agent. BHA is found in butter, meats, cereals, chewing gum, baked goods, snack foods, dehydrated potatoes, and beer. It is also found in animal feed, food packaging, cosmetics, rubber products, and petroleum products." as stated here. You've actually inspired me to buy the stuff myself and try it out. If it'd actually work, I could save even more money by buying a tiny house on wheels. While we're on the topic, have you considered Bio-Serv Prima Mix or maybe even Fruity-Gems?

9:45 PM  
Anonymous Eurcynia said...

Don't lisssten to Anonymous... take the apple, savor the apple. Knowledge everlasssting.

10:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a zoo attendant in Los Angeles.

You should try a monkey-chow sandwich. One piece of soaked monkey chow sandwiched between two dry pieces of monkey chow. Our howlers go nuts over it!

12:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On Discovery i've seen gorillas eat poop cause they wanted a warm snack. If your poop smells like MC i'm sure it wouldnt be outside the rules (came to think of it when you mentioned you wanted warm food) :)

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Put some ads up and do it for a full month! You'll be a rich man.

12:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ever thought of getting the monkey chow logo tattooed on your arm to commemorate this part of your life?

12:15 AM  
Blogger travis said...

Go for two weeks! Go for two weeks!

12:37 AM  
Anonymous Emily said...

I've worked in a primate lab for about 2 years now, and not even our monkeys eat just monkey chow. In my lab we have both squirrel monkeys and capuchin monkeys. These are both New World Monkeys (is your choice of Chow for new world or old world monkeys?). Everyday the monkeys are given approximately a cup of chow each, but they also receive some fruit or vegetables, along with some "enrichment" items such as honey, nuts, etc. This is also an international practice, and I know firsthand that monkeys in Japan also receive food other than just chow, although in Japan that can consist of raw quail eggs. I'm sure you'll be fine though. I've had my own share of monkey chow, and it's not that bad.

However, the life of a monkey isn't necessarily as carefree as you make it seem. They need a lot of care and attention and can be fatally violent to each other. Chimps have also been known rip apart monkeys and eat them. Maybe you could try that too.

12:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you do pursue the monkey chow diet for a month (which I hope you do), I would suggest going to your pediatrician also to run some tests to see if it truly is giving you a balanced diet.

This reminds me of SuperSize Me which was a brilliant documentary. Perhaps you could consider getting some bloodwork done?

12:58 AM  
Anonymous Jonny Humperfaster said...

quote from the .pdf: "Mature primates will consume approximately 1 lb. of diet per 35 lbs. of body weight (3%) per day."
sounds like you need to be eating aboooout 5lbs per day.
....Good luck, Ha!

2:41 AM  
Anonymous Lynseymooha said...

Aside from your pooping moments, are you starting to smell like monkey chow? Is your habitat monkeychow funky too?

2:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i wanna see you eating monkey chow on video and making nasty taste faces

4:43 AM  
Blogger cybersoza said...

You hate airline food?

You hate airline food?

Now I'm angry, if given the chance to be flown to N.Y., and or L.A. be put up in what I assume would at least be a pretty nice hotel, meet some celebrities, and be interviewed on national T.V. (all of which is admittedly not the greatest thing that could ever happen to a person), but to turn that down because you don't like airline food......... YOUR EATING MOISTENED DIET MONKEY CHOW FOR A WEEK!!!!!!!

4:51 AM  
Anonymous drL said...

you're funny and I like the idea - I might consider doing something like this after I see what happens to you XD

5:26 AM  
Anonymous Pete said...

Awesome idea, and I agree with the fruit people - monkeys are given this stuff on top of fruits and vegetables for variety - you're trying to save costs and be minimalistic with your use of stuff - add to the equation 1 plate and 1 knife to cut apples and bananas...not exactly an expense is it?

Keep it up!

5:58 AM  
Anonymous RWiner said...

Do not break your diet with a steak and a glass of milk, you will have a stomache ache so strong you'll consider having yourself hospitalized.

It's best to break the diet (fast) with a small amount of fruit, consumed at a very slow pace.

That could be followed an hour or two later with a small bowl of vegetable soup.

R Winer
Tampa Fla

6:11 AM  
Anonymous Rob said...

Do you pack your Monkey Chow diet in a lunch box and bring it to work with you? During coffee breaks do you dip the chow into the coffee doughnut style?

I think what you're doing is great! Keep it up! Only a few more days. Ra-Ra-Ra!

6:42 AM  
Blogger MEMEPUNKS said...

Man, this is experiment is brilliant. You sir are my new hero. I hope you can really pull through and push the monkey chow envelope.

However I might have a solution to some of your ills. Monkeys are note fed monkey chow exclusivly. There are plenty of monkey marketed treats and supplements that you could use to augment your chow only diet, without breaking the rules of eating monkey specific food.

I did some googling and found places likePrimate Dietswhere they have some viable monkey chow alternatives. (some of which I have heard are delicious.) Some even specifically listed as "for primates that dont like monkey chow". I think that's you.

Good luck on your quest, we're keeping an eye on your progess and will probably post a story up soon on your brave foray into science. Keep an eye on Memepunks

7:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, every day I eat the same ham sandwich for lunch, and every day I bitch about it.

My ham sandwich today is going to be the tastiest ham sandwich I've ever eaten.

Thank you for your guidance. :)

8:07 AM  
Anonymous Derrick said...

Wow man, you are awesome. You know that the other advantage of keeping this up for a month is that more and more people will find out about this and flock here to the Mecca of MonkeyChowdom.
Keep it up Bro.

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Brendan said...

Good luck and keep going! I think this is facinating.


8:18 AM  
Anonymous Colin said...

Hey, if you want to continue on your experiment and add fruit but not buy it, I can drop by Saturday morning with some bananas. But, you'll have to let me bring the kids along 'cuz the wife is away - kinda like a cheap thrill trip to the zoo.
I have some old luggage you can throw around your living room if you want, too.

9:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Hope this gets you through the next two days. I also hope the world doesn't run out of these by then.

The canned food changes the budget. I know you don't want to go for 30 days, but the publicity will only grow. Your videos leave us in stitches. I hear your pain but they are great.

Another thought...2 words: Monkey Ketchup.

4:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are really craving a steak, call your buddies over and comb them for ticks and lice ( i checked and its ok in the monkey chow federation rule book).

5:59 PM  
Anonymous michelleb said...

i posted a stupid comment here, but forgot the verification thing. gayness...

i think i said something about a monkey chow shake. crush the kibblets, stir in a glass of water..and yum! dee lish! *vomit*

um, are you still soaking them in water?

notice a difference in your hair? new hair growth? in odd places? hair more coarse or shinier or thicker?
if so, you should shave yourself when you're done with the experiment and make a coat, sell it on ebay.

i'd bid...

9:03 PM  
Blogger FOCUS said...

Science overrated, yeah medical science can't save your soul I guess. Ha, I said "Soul"

7:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

nothin like cheap attention huh. By the way animal food is often left overs from various food stores and eating places. Also, dog food is full of ground up diseased pigs who die before they can be slaughtered but who aren't healthy enough to be eaten by humans. I can't imagine monkey food being any better.

7:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Adam,

Just wanted to tell you that I had a monkey chow experience in college. I can assure you that the Purina brand is no better than your Preemo. So if you ever wonder if things would be different if you switched brands, don't. Thanks for proving to the world that this stuff sucks, so more people like us won't be tempted to try it. I wish I had thought of soaking it in vodka though...

8:58 PM  
Anonymous MFogliato said...

Hey guy!
Listen... for sure you are saving some money, work, etc... but at later the price you might have to pay to recover your health is going to be extremely high... not money though... but simply health.
If you want to loose weight... get that bike behind you and go for a ride... and don't forget to stop by a health food shop and get some fiber and vitamins.
You are cute and your health values more than you are selling it for!
My best wishes :-)

9:14 PM  
Anonymous Mary said...

Well, cool experiment. I think you should have eaten fruit & veggies to be more correct except that I guess that wasn't your point. You could have swung from the trees with a banana to make it really interesting:-)
Me & my boyfriend have been watching from Ohio.

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It amazes me how many people think animals can eat animal food for years, but that a week of it will make a human sick. Good grief! What makes people think that people have super-special needs compared to the rest of animal-kind?

Sure, animal food has some stuff that isn't allowed in packages food for human consumption, but that doesn't mean it's unsafe - just that it bothers people to think about it. And of course monkey chow is balanced! Monkeys suffer from nutritional deficiencies - how do you think they figured out what the symptoms would be in humans?

I could go on and on, but then no one would read it. Enjoy your human food!

-Country monkey doctor (yes, I'm a vet)

10:33 AM  
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