Monkey Chow Diaries: Day 5
The Day 5 video entry is now up on the Diary page.
I am truly floored by the amount of support I'm getting. Scientists and zooligists in surprising numbers have offered good advice, as have people who spent the five minutes I didn't bother spending to do some basic research. I thank them all. It turns out I have selected a diet that is actually less palatable than what monkeys get. Such is life.
I am truly floored by the amount of support I'm getting. Scientists and zooligists in surprising numbers have offered good advice, as have people who spent the five minutes I didn't bother spending to do some basic research. I thank them all. It turns out I have selected a diet that is actually less palatable than what monkeys get. Such is life.
64 Comments:
When I go home I'll eat two pellets of cat food just in support for the gag-worthy feat that your undertaking.
ick.
moist monkey chow...gad and i thought menudo was gross...heh
hang in there pallie!!!!
You've got us fascinated here in New Mexico. You definitely have to tell us if you get any marriage proposals from this. My...um... friends would like to know and are willing to eat monkey chow.
You are hilarious. I love your list of things that make you angry.
Best of luck to your colon during this experiment.
Just watched the day 5 vid.
I almost gaged when you ate that crap.
Dude ur almost done, hang in there.
[Insert Generic Encouragement]
I love this, keep it up!
When I was growing up, we had a cat that I was responsible for feeding. I totally recognized the face you made on smelling the "wet food". I never understood why the idiot cat liked the wet food more than the dry food, but then again I am not a cat.
I linked up! You're sweeping the net! When you get the coveted 7 Deadly Sins link, you have ... well.. that going for you... (your mileage might vary.)
Go for a month
hehehehe
You're losing weight ... maybe you should try for an advance on a diet book: "The Monkey Chow" diet ... not much more wacky than the other stuff out there!
Thanx for the tip, I'll keep an extra yard away from the monkeycages next time I'm at the zoo :S
Good Luck man. I always wondered why we don't have a "People's" version of chow.
You may your own product line soon. Just get better flavors. Never know, you could help save lives across the world. Or just make some of us smile.
-fitz
keep it up man, hilarious.
Your project is just about the coolest thing I've ever heard. Are there other brands of chow that taste or look better? maybe healthier etc?
Great experiment and great entertainment for all of us not eating monkey chow! Less than 2 more days.. "YOU can DO it!"
So, question: Did you purge your house of normal-human-food before you started this diet? If you didn't, I admire your will power. In your shoes, I know I would have folded and eaten whatever I could find in my home by now.
Can't begrudge you the "softer" food.
This doesn't seem to be a good diet, but at least the "science" is out ;)
You got guts man, hoping they don't spill out of ya from the food
JamesRP
P.S. monkeys do get to eat fruit
i won't tell anyone
7 days is very short, I know some crazy religious people who do not eat for longer periods of time. If you want to do anything other than provide comic relief you really should give this a month.
I don't know what's scarier - your attempts at a 100% monkey chow diet or that after 5 days of watching you, I'm starting to find you extremely attractive. Maybe the chow is giving you animal magnetism
Wow, this is quite an impressive feat. Very interesting experiment you're doing here. Good luck!
Jen
Great experiment. I caught up on all five days of videos today and when I ate my luch I felt like the king of kings.
You may want to try adding MSG to the monkey chow, it has no calories so does not count as a condiment. It may bring out more monkey flavor. You can get it at most asian markets, but I feel you shouldn't be in a food store right now.
Maybe you should move up to Bachelor Chow..now with flavor.
Bachelor Chow is a food product in the Futurama universe. It is packaged in a large bag much like dog food, but it is actually for men who are bachelors. To prepare the chow, a bachelor pours an amount into a bowl, adds water, and then stirs. The result is a sort of mush much like cereal.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Bachelor-chow_%28futurama%29.jpg
Oook Ook roooor eeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh ook ook! rreeeeerrrrahhaahhhahhhhh!
(Good luck baby! You big sexy! Me love you Long Long time! Love Koko)
just heard about your adventure - keep it up! you're so close!
I live in San Antonio and we have some of the heaviest women on the planet residing here. I hope your experiment is a huge success and you market it to the fat chicks in Texas!
You are a brave person, and you must have a really high gag tolerance, because I'm not sure I could soak pelletized animal chow in water and then drink it. Glad you undertook this experiment - my kids and I are finding it wildly entertaining. Good luck getting your bowels back to normal in short order when you return to human food...
so since you went for monkey chow instead of ape chow, how's the tail-sprouting possiblity working for ya? pix would be proof enuff.
or maybe not.
monkeytail out
A quick search through the ingredients revealed that the feed contains ethoxyquin.
The maximum allowable residue in eggs, meat, poultry, apples, pears, poultry fat and livers for HUMAN use is 0.5 ppm.
In ANIMAL feeds, the maximum allowable concentration of ethoxyquin is 150 ppm.
Watch out for cancer.
ingredient source: http://zupreem.com/pdf/PrimateDry67.pdf
Have you started to throw your poo at people yet? Monkeys do that ya know.
I came across your site from alldumb.com.
You're video blogs are hilarious! Good luck on the last few days!!!
"sorry, that's not going down."
it's been a while since I laughed so hard. Thank you for the entertainment.
Ok dude.. Saskatoon, Sk here and this a.m. your webpage hit one of our radio stations *C95* so course I had to check it out. Kill me if you want, but you should go 30 days. Keep reading... oddly enough the thing that comes to my mind... uhm emphasis on oddly... is one could wonder what your sexual stamina is like, as they claim diet can effect it. What about the 'taste' of your semen? See how 'Scooby' feels about checking this out for us 'watchers' haha kidding. But honestly they say various foods will change the way you 'taste'... Payback for 'Scooby' -> have him get up close and personal with an actual monkey, then u can give him a cup of your good stuff and he can do a comparison analysis for you.
So a friend of mine came across your blog today. God only knows how he ended up googling it. I suspect it has something to do with us referring to ourselves as "cube monkeys"...office lackies who sit by our computers all day in a little cubicle.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I think your experiment is hilarious. I understand the logic in why you chose monkey food, but (not that I've ever tried it) I suspect that cat food smells and tastes a lot better than the monkey chow.
This is great, monkey man.
I used to eat a few dog food kernels while feeding the dog back when I was in high school. Didn't taste too bad, actually. I hope your MonkNuggets taste as good.
On pet foods.
There have been many attempts to add birth control to pet food to help keep unplaned pet pregancies in check. Each time a group attempts this it is shot down almost always for the same reason
to many humans eat pet food and the drugs aren't proven safe for them
While this might not be the greatest for you, who know you might become morph into a silverback and get you a group of honnies I suspect the company has already done some trials they will never admit to on humans.
As a former primate keeper at a major US zoo I just wanted to let you know that the chow you selected is actually one of the more palatable out there. I have sampled at least 5 other brands over the course of my years at the zoo, and Zupreem definitely goes down easiest. You're lucky you didn't end up with Purina Hi-Pro or Hi-Fiber diet, those are really horrible. Zupreem also makes a canned diet which has roughly the consistency of play-do. Maybe you can eat that all next week.
Please, please, please videotape & post your first real food (human yum) meal after you are done with all the chow... There is something to be said for the delay of a pleasureable meal and this is to the extreme! and the smile on your face would be quite human...
I wonder if you can stomach real food after dorking with your system like this...
Although the poop documentation is utterly fascinating, we would like to hear more about your mental state.
Are you hearing monkey voices yet? Is the Monkey Chow speaking to you? Do you see little monkeys running around your place?
What kind of vodka goes best with MC? Perhaps Absolut would run an ad in your honour. Absolut Monkey? Absolut Crazy?
Just want to add that you have New York's support in your endeavor, and if there is any way we can help out, please tell us. We are considering mailing you a bag of cat biscuits to spice things up, and after considerable discussion, have decided that it would not disqualify you from your mission. You'd just have to change your diary to Monkey Cat Chow Diaries, and call yourself Monkat man instead of Monkey Man, but this may be the only way to keep the dream alive. Monkey food for seven days may be impossible, but with the variety that cat biscuits will provide, I think you'll have enough diversity to keep your palate going to the 168th hour.
Got here from boingboing.
I'm loving this... If you find something that does work as bachelor chow, I'm totally gonna try it, too.
I have a cute cat story. Wanna hear it? I'll post it on my blog so you don't have to go unless you want to, since you hate them and all... I'm pretty sure this one is unique, though. No, really, it is... See! You wanna go check it out now don't you!
ZooPreem are People TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the great big smile on my face right now. You are an asset to human kind. eating monkey food. Outstanding. Keep it up! I'll be watching.
You rock, man. Hang in there, you're almost done. I'm tempted to send you a care package filled with decent food once the week is over.
And day five? *winces* I'm sorry.
(here from boingboing. passed your link on. word's spreading even more...)
Good luck from Nebraska! Yes, you rock, and yes, you should extend it. Because obviously an internet stranger knows what's best for you.
This is an awesome experiment! We're rooting for you angryman!! Keep it up! (or down as the case may be!)
Here's a great monkey/human related flash animation that made the rounds last year... quite poignant to your experiment:
http://iacs5.ucsd.edu/~pbang/dance_monkeys.htm
Cheering for you!
-Marc
Only 2 more days to go! Keep going!
In case you need another reason to extend your experiment to 30 days... Look no further:
Babes love monkeys
Wow, congrats on making it this far. And I hope you can make your way through it.
Can we get more details on how and why you started this crazy adventure? Where exactly does a member of the public get dry and canned monkey chow? And what was the conversation with your friend that let to all of this wackiness.
Love the videos, love your angry list, and good luck!
Meretrice
Hang in there Monkey Man! You've almost made it to a week. I hope tonight is going better than last night...
Maybe the diet should become mandatory for all MPs. We'd save billions. Even if parliamentary poop gets smellier, it's still better than the usual smells that they emit...
Doesn't MP stand for Monkees of Parliament?
Hang in there, so far so good :)
Hey,
Just to add to the "my diet is actually worse than a monkey's" line:
The rhesus macaques in my lab have considerably more to choose from than monkey chow. In addition to a fixed number of biscuits, (for an 8-15kg monkey, anywhere from 12-18, so scale up for your weight) the monkeys get fresh fruit (apples, bananas, oranges, grapes (the favorite), and when in season, pomegranites, wheatgrass, strawberries, etc.) Fluid can be anything from an Odwalla smoothie (Mango Tango is a big hit) to apple juice to Tang. In addition, there's no shortage of dried snacks: basically, anything you can buy in bulk at a supermarket (dried fruits, nuts, malt balls, chocolate-covered raisins, yogurt-covered raisins), sugared cereal (Fruit Loops), are all available.
As a special treat, we'll make a concoction called a "protein snack" which consists of a Dixie cup full of a mush of peanut butter, bananas, protein powder, jelly, dried fruit, and M&Ms, which is then served frozen. Those are pretty tasty. The monkeys, when done, usually eat the Dixie cup as well.
I've been eating nothing but greens plus, spinach and green tea for almost 4 weeks now, so I can (kind of) relate to your cravings. But - you should seriously consider easing yourself back into human food, rather than wolfing down a steak and milk. Last thing you want is to have to throw up.
You're the king, man - eyes on the prize.
Try some Habenero hot sauce on that chow, your tongue will be burnt to a crisp and you won't taste a thing!
Much like my reaction to the monkeys at the zoo, I point and laugh at you.
Too bad you're not cooking, because then you could grind the pellets up into flour and make monkey bread.
Monkeychow Monkeychow!!!! Baahahahahahahh aahahahahha ow ow...... ...... .... Ba! Aaaahahaha hahahah hah owwwww!!!!!
Keep the faith, monkey chow man! You're making a lot of people smile, and really appriciate their next meal.
my friend was going to do this experiment where he ate just dogfood for his sr research in college. by then, it was too late...
*sadness*
apparently, he eats dog biscuits, though.
i guess i'm telling you this in case you think you're really stupid and weird. there's people that do other odd things, too!!!
i like you. i'd like to fedex you some preparation h. i'm sure you could be using it soon...
This is awesome!!! Keep it up, you can last two more days. Your accent sounds like you are in Canada.
I know you aren't a scientist, but I'm wondering if monkeys have less taste buds than humans do and perhaps that is why they eat that stuff? If I were a monkey, I would rebel and demand a Big Mac, Fries, and strawberry shake. Good luck and tolerable munching...
Keep it up!
How many ringer t-shirts do you own?
This just confirms what I thought as much: You don't have to do someth good or nice or useful or whatever, you just gotta do someth anybody else is doing!To be the only one! Well, for sure, I will not emulate you and some people will!
Maybe it's just the spliff I had but your "things that make me angry" list made me laugh to tears. Your are a funny guy, even without spliffs, and that's a compliment! You know what took me to visit your site? The smile I could read in your eyes, in the pic where you're holding the chow bags.
Keep on riding the funyy one, bro!
Greetings from South-Tyrol (Italy)
Nice job. Keep it up. We like what you are doing. Sort of the anti-supersize this.
Al in Philadelphia
Dude u fucking rock dude how the hell are u managing this u kik ass.
I commend you. Idiot but herioc, and so, nevertheless--a hero. Good job, and hang in there. I loved your vodka video.
Thanks for the entertainment. It was a brilliant idea. Personally, I'd much rather spend a week of vacation relaxing in the sun and drinking tropical fruity alcohol drinks.....
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