Things that make me angry: Math Rap

As a new crop of adorable little munchkins totters off to meet the teachers responsible for shaping their impressionable minds, I’m reminded of what dumbasses so many of those teachers are. At the top of the dumbass teacher pyramid is the Math Rapper. Rap by white guys sucks. Rap by old people sucks. Rap from the 80s sucks. Put it all together, and it goes a little something like this (yo beatbox):

I’m DJ Plus Sign and I’m here to say,
I can teach you fractions in a funky new way.
Math is cool and I am too.
Two is an integer.
Word!

And by math rap standards, the above composition isn’t even that bad. If rappers are going to go around shooting people anyway, why not target everyone involved in this.

Anger in the news: Beware the Penis Vandal

I have no idea what this guy is angry about, but he's clearly ticked and he's not venting it in a very constructive way. At least having "a large penis-shaped gouge" scratched in your car is better than having a large car-shaped gouge scratched in your... ouch.

Put Your Hands Up and Back away from Your Children

Not content with ruining their children's childhoods, obsessive parents are now extending that creepy dependent relationship into adulthood. I'm only guessing that there's something incestuous at the heart of this trend, but I am positive that it's creating legions of sniveling wieners who will never do, think, or feel anything for themselves. Not letting your kids make their own mistakes is easily the biggest parenting mistake you can make. Globe and Mail A1

Things that make me angry: Getting Stood Up

Having someone stand you up is an exception to the rule that things that don't kill you make you stronger. The self-doubt and feeling of being unwanted (not to mention the anger) just seem to accumulate with every instance. Whether you're standing alone in a bar, or sitting on the couch waiting for the phone call that you tell yourself will come any minute now, this is an intensely humiliating experience. It's interesting that in an age when a telephone is never more than an arms-length away, people are less inclined than ever to let someone know that they are cancelling their plans. I'm a very positive person, but I don't know if my optimism can take much more of this. What is the price of having your night wasted, your ego shredded and your faith in womankind destroyed? I've crunched the numbers, and it comes out to 12 beers and a lap dance.

Things that make me angry: Telephones on Television

An unanswered telephone is the most annoying dramatic gimmick ever employed. It's a tired cliché used either to establish just how overworked a mother is (in which case it precedes a shot of the mother carrying a baby on her hip and little Timmy’s lunchbox in her hand) or to set an eerie mood right before a body is revealed (generally slouched in a wingback chair right beside the phone). But what the unanswered phone does particularly well, is annoy the hell out of me. Why so loud? Why so ridiculously many rings? If I wanted to hear the telephone ring incessantly, I'd work the Christmas Eve shift at the suicide hotline. If I was lucky, screenwriters, depressed over their complete lack of originality, would call me in their hour of need. And I’d let that bloody phone ring a thousand times.