Things that make me angry: stories about your cat
There are slightly more cats in North America than there are children under 18 years of age. And there are infinitely more owners' stories about their cats than there are audiences who give a damn. Since all cats do is sleep, eat, shit and attack things, there are only 15 possible permutations of cat story, and I guarantee I've heard them all a million freaking times. I hate to tell you this, but your cats, just like your children, are neither unique nor interesting. If your cat discovers a new element and has MrBootstonium added to the periodic table, by all means let me know. But until then, keep your damn stories to yourself
7 Comments:
...since we're talking about the stories that people tell, let's talk about dreams. I can't stand being told about someone else's dream. If everyone really thinks about it, nobody REALLY cares about another persons dream. When someone tells you they had a dream about flying, drowning, fucking, etc. it's alway the same scenario that plays out. You have to stand there and look intersted / act concerned depending on the dream. Then, the inevitable "do dreams mean anything" conversation comes up. It's boring! Nobody cares about what your dream was because it doesn't effect anyone else except the dreamer.
So, the next time you have the urge to tell someone about your dream, just yell out a random swear word. It makes for better conversation.....
Is it at this point where I mention my dream about my cat? Or relate the story of my cat's dream? The time my cat made me angry when it was sleeping and snoring so loudly that I could barely watch Oprah on her TV show?
I don't know what the worst is:
-the fact that you mentioned your cat
-the fact that you mentioned a dream
-or the fact that you admit to watching Oprah......
Could be worse, you could be telling everyone about how you dreampt about your cat watching Oprah.
Did you ever hear the one about my cat eating and then (attempting) to pass a used condom?
Doobie Doo
I like cat stories. I wish people would tell me some, but they never do. Just goes to show.
*hangs her head in shame* i am one of those people but i do have a really cool cat- he only has 2 lives left and i'm counting them down. life 1: 'milking' my friends boston terrier and making her go into false labor in which he was returned to live with me life 2: getting his collar stuck in his mouth with his paw hanging out choking himself to death at 4 am life 3: getting locked in the fridge for a few hours at the ass crack of dawn life 4: sucking on the end of a live wire under our bar- peed himself and has a permanent lump in his neck.. this one required mushy food for a couple weeks life 5: tried to mate with a cactus (or so i say) life 6: climbs in dark trunk while unloading groceries in the middle of the nite- find him the next day- pissed and thirsty life 7: decided he'd like to be a pitbull and get lockjaw on my grandpa's arm.. this is where his name was changed from maven to diablo. i couldn't make this stuff up if i tried. he has a blanket (aka 'his girlfriend') he's had since he was a baby that he molests- i write this to show that not ALL cat stories are boring some are vwery vwery coot. (no need to get the gun- i already own one) enjoy!
I have pictures of Angryman holding and loving a cat. Been blackmailing him for beer ever since.
Now that's a cat story.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home