Things that make me angry: Getting Stood Up
Having someone stand you up is an exception to the rule that things that don't kill you make you stronger. The self-doubt and feeling of being unwanted (not to mention the anger) just seem to accumulate with every instance. Whether you're standing alone in a bar, or sitting on the couch waiting for the phone call that you tell yourself will come any minute now, this is an intensely humiliating experience. It's interesting that in an age when a telephone is never more than an arms-length away, people are less inclined than ever to let someone know that they are cancelling their plans. I'm a very positive person, but I don't know if my optimism can take much more of this. What is the price of having your night wasted, your ego shredded and your faith in womankind destroyed? I've crunched the numbers, and it comes out to 12 beers and a lap dance.
posted by angryman at 11:06 PM
34 Comments:
It happened to me a few nights ago, and it just pisses me off because as you pointed out, she could have called to cancel and that would be fine .. but it wasted my time .. im just really confused because this has happened to me with women that are after me.. so I don't know why they flaked at the last second..
You need to just come to the realization that ALL attractive women, no matter how 'nice' they like to appear on the outside, routinely stand guys up. Here is what I do to avoid any sort of humiliation and lower the % chance of getting stood up:
1. Try to plan 'spur of the moment' fun dates only, and don't ask her to go, tell her she will go. If she makes up excuses a couple times, then she's not into you and just forget about her, but at least you didn't get stood up (and if she is into you, you don't get stood up since it's so spur of the moment).
2. Call or email her the night before claiming that YOU forgot what time you were supposed to meet.
3. If you are planning on meeting somewhere, expect to get stood up! So that means to plan to meet at a place that isn't too inconvenient for you. Make it a place where you can go and have fun just by yourself. One time I just expected to get stood up but had planned to meet at a coffee shop that had lots of cute girls. I showed up and starting talking to some of the women there and ended up leaving with one of them to a nearby club. Meanwhile, the girl I thought was going to flake just showed up really late, but I was off having fun and stood HER sorry a55 up!
i googled 'getting stood up' because it just happened to me yet again; but i'm a girl and theres nothing on the internet about girl's being stood up. just guys. i feel like calling the bastard and telling him to stop playing games with me..... i feel like i keep bringing this upon myself. i hate it.
it just happened to me, im gay so it was a man who stood me up, i'm so furious i could explode, my advice is know their address first so you know where to go to punch them in the fucking head
anonymous,
why do you say on the first date that you had a great time and can't wait till the second date and we talk the whole week after with terms of affection and the second date is planned only to not show up with no phone call or anything. do you not realize the humiliation or sadness that you cause? if you are not interested than why lead that person on and get their hopes up that you are different? all this does is make me jaded towards the next person! why can't people be honest??
I completely agree with the bottom post here, because the exact same thing happened to me the other night.
Had a GREAT time first date-- he couldn't wait to see me again. Then with all the text messaging and calls, he stands me up for date #2... and then plays stupid and makes excuses and not following through. Who needs it?!?
BTW I'm a woman.
So I have been seeing this girl casually for a few weeks. We've been having a lot of fun. It seems mutual. She initiated the whole btw. Suddenly, she has taken to becoming incomunicado. After cancelling on me twice (at least with an excuse) we go out agaion. Agin, it was great...then we plan for last night:
Via text message-
her: tomorrow nights sounds great...
next day-
Me: Hi, I am on the train home, would you like to have dinner with me?
her: I am at a party until about 8pm. Food sounds good.
me: Perfect, I arrive at 7:30.
her: Sounds great, call me when you get in.
A little after eight, I give her the call. No answer. I try a text message. no answer. I wait AN HOUR (I am in downtown SF, its freezing) no answer. I leave a voice mail telling her I am going home. no answer, no returned call, no text message.
Next day-
her: Sorry about last nite. I got swept up
Eight words. All I got from her was eight words. My evening and my ego are wrecked and all she can offer is those eight words? Why on earth couldn't she have at least cancelled...or even lied! I would have relished a lie over waiting around like an ass.
At least now I know I will never do that to someone else. Unless of course they are Hitler or something.
Let me tell you the story of when I first got stood up. It was 1999, I was in college and about to turn 21, and I had asked this extremely beautiful girl out - she said yes, we agreed on a time and place, and she stood me up. A little background here: I had never been on a date before this, although you couldn't accuse me of not trying - since high school, I asked 8 different women out by this time, and ALL of them rejected me. Well, being stood up was enough for me to vow not to ask another woman out - for FIVE YEARS! Since then, it's become difficult - if not impossible - for me to assert myself enough to ask.
Two weeks ago, a guy I had a crush on for years asked me out to a hockey game (he knew how badly I wanted to go to that particular game) and got us center ice seats. The day of the game he was not at work. By the afternoon I had not heard from him so I called. He had the flu. What rotten luck!!!
The following week he flirts like crazy with me and asks me out again for dancing on Saturday night. He said he had something going on during the day, but he would call by six o'clock to tell me when he'd pick me up. I canceled other plans, and....you guessed it, NOTHING. No call, nothing. I saw him at work MOnday, and he told me he fell asleep and did not wake back up. Ummmm....you mean he slept through SUNDAY too???? Because he didn't call then either! Talk about stabbing someone in the back and then twisting the knife! I guess I know that I am a bottom feeder on the dating food chain.
It's been several days and it still hurts. Jerk....
I hate it when then the girl plays you....just like a card. It really pisses me off, for a few weeks to months I have been best friends with the girl of my dreams. Great friends, she won't pick up the phone, she schedualed a place for us to meet, so I did, and she never answered the phone once EVER, or went to the meeting spot.........
I'm a woman and on the second date I had a feeling that this was going to happen but he's the one who asked to go on the third date so I said ok. I woke up this morning telling my friends that I should not talk to this guy again there all like give him a chance blah blah blah and the guy stood me up. I'm not angry the thing is don't be rude treat people with respect whether you want to date them or not. I don't need an excuss just be honest with yourself and say you don't think it's going to work. The other reason I'm not angry is because that was a really fast way of finding out that he's not the one for me. NEXT!
Well I got stood up tonight. We talked about hanging out 2 weeks straight. I called and I asked him if were still on for tonight. He said yes. I called to find out what time he was coming, no answer, straight to his voicemail. I'm still waiting for a call to find out what happened. Still no phone call. I swear some people are just full of shit.
I met this girl a couple weeks ago. We ended up spending the entire afternoon and night together. It was fantastic. I then call her a couple days later and ask if she wants to meet for drinks. She says yes, we do, we have a great time, and she stays at my house. Because of our schedule, our next meeting could not be for another week. When the time comes, she cancels, but had an excuse. We reschedule. She cancels again because she is sick. We reschedule. I call that day to confirm. No return call. I call her home phone. No return call. I wait into the evening nothing, so I hang out with my brother instead. I leave one more voice mail. I send an email the next day. No response. It's now been about a week. Never heard from her again. but I know through mutual friends that she's ok. I'm totally perplexed. And even though I didn't know her for very long, I'm hurt because I felt we got along very well.
i got stood up tonight...yeah like everyone else as said its a pretty bad experience. her excuse was that she was in the bath while i sit there and wait on my couch for the phone call
I got stood up by my friend for a movie date. We made the plan 2 days before for a 10pm show. I call him on the same day at 8pm to see if we can eat out first. He assured me that he will go and meet at 9:30pm but he has to run to a store first. I specifically noted if there is any time constraints we should reschedule because I live out of town, rather go home to eat (saves $), and could save 2 hours of just killing time. I gave him the chance to cancel but He insisted he will be there. so I had wasted two hours before the movie and ate out by myself. I got to the theater at 9:30 and being nice bought his ticket to just incase of selling out. I texted him that I bought the tix before I went inside. The theater had cellphone signal jammed... I got a text at 10pm that he would be late..but the jerk was still a no show. he text back later giving an excuse that he stayed home because I was not reachable. I am so pissed at this so-call friend. We had vacation planned and I was going to pay him $200 for the trip that night. I might give him a chance if he was sorry for my wasted time...and pay me for my time lost ($50 no show fee)...lol just like doctors appointments. A week later, he has not call back to apologize.
What a bastard!
I'll get even instead by blocking him out of my life...I am going to put a dead stop on our relationship and cancel the vacation.
I agree with some of the guys here that you should always have a Plan B in case you got stood up or don't get your expectation too high. In this age, people are not telling you their real feelings up front, the "politeness" gets your confused. I know it's hard not to expect so much when you are into somebody, but you will learn your lessons. I learned it after experiencing it :-)
yep happend to me tonight... was dressed up all nice, even went as far as buying the movie tickets in advanced.. sure enough the hours pass by and not soo muich as a call. I called a few times only to seem like the fool and get the voicemail each time.. the funny thing is that we had been talking about these plans the past few days..
and now i have to work with her tomorrow
I think dating websites should have feedback scores like eBay. Not for people to leave glowing or insulting personal comments, just somewhere you could blackmark someone for standing you up. Then at least others would know to steer clear of them.
I just got stood up for the second time by the same man. Im a girl btw. Anyways, i decided not to call him anynore...flash forward to tonight. He calls: "Hey! Meet me at club", etc.
I am still waiting... :(
people are unbelievable. i'm being stood up as i type this. met this great guy last week while i was in town for work. we hung out the entire night, made out, no sex, had breakfast together. he asked me if i wanted to see him again, and i said yes - we chatted all week. i planned on being back in town yesterday and he called to tell me he had to work late, but that tonight worked well for him and asked if i could come the next day instead. i changed my flights, made sure i was here. we had dinner planned for 8pm, and it's 10, and he hasn't so much as called. i've called and left a message, but conveniently is phone is off. un-freakin-believable. what happened?
I feel for all you guys and girls. I really, totally, honestly, can not and will never understand the mentality behind peoples agendas. Why bother with the whole charade of liking someone or even telling them you love them, if you are just playing out some crazed, imaginative fantasy at their expense? Stood up? Yes...two days in a row by the same girl. Thinking back...stood up by every girl I've tried to 'see' over the past 3 months.
F*********K....Who gets you people?!?!!!!!!
I do not see how this damn species ever got to the point of 6 billion people if all we ever do is stand people up.
Just setup the first date and do not show up, if the other person calls then you know they are not a bastard and reschedule a real date.
People are all a55holes anyway
Touche! I agree on everyone's hearache after being stood up.
Here's my situation: My date is tomorrow (date 3). We have already set the day and time (4 days ago) but I have not heard from him all week.
My instincts tell me it is a definite STAND UP! (My first, too, although I am prepared.)
So, tomorrow night, I'll stay at home with 'Oliver' (the bottle of wine he gave me on our first date).
Good Luck to everyone... and remember, it is better to be the people we are than those that rank so far below us!
my story is even stranger because it comes with a cultural twist.. I was introduced to this guy by my family - the first time we met, his ENTIRE family came to my place for lunch. we talked over email for a few months and he finally said he needs more time to think. We stopped communicating for about 2 months.
Then, I got a job interview close to his city. I emailed him and said let me know if you'd like to meet up. He said YES. He said there may be scheduling problems, so we agreed on a convenient day. Which would mean, I would have to extend my stay, pay for a hotel, and my flight. I asked him repeatedly if he could make it. He said YES.
On the day we're supposed to meet, I happen to check my email, and he says things have come up.
What the hell? Why can't you just be honest and save the whole world some time and money?
I would like to know what people did about being stood up, I just waited half an hour to have lunch with a girl who never showed. NOt sure what to do, she is really nice - pretty sure it wasn't malicious ( her idea too!). NOt sure how to bring it up now... wanna text her but not sound gay like " why did you leave me waiting...etc". think im gonna leave it untill i c her next, yes yes, i am a chicken. :)
let me tell you my bullsh*t story...
so my friend hooks me up with her friend and we start talking. i think he's a pretty good guy but most of the guys i ever talk to are never genuine and lie about some of the stupidest things. this guy wasn't like that though. i thought we had a connection. we talked everyday for a week and he asked me when we should meet, twice. i never brought it up. i asked what he was doing on saturday and he said nothing so i made plans for us and he completely blows me off. i waited and waited. i texted him and asked him what he was doing but i got no response. i didn't want to text after that because i didn't want to sound needy. i just don't understand why he couldn't call and cancel or just say he really wasn't interested in me. who goes through all that trouble for nothing??? who???
I'm so glad I'm not the only one being stood up! I'm out here in the dating world and this week alone I've been stood up 3 times by 3 different men. But my thing is that I never call them when they stand me up. Guess what? In less than a month I get a phone call from the jerk and he acts as if we're the best of friends. That's what really bothers me.
How can a person stand you up and then call you a month later and behave like nothing ever happened?
I'm a woman and it seems I have spent my life waiting....always waiting on some jack_ss who was supposed to be in a certain place at a certain time and never bothered to even call and cancel. I feel really stupid for getting myself in this situation once again. We have waited 9 1/2 months for this date and here I sit...alone. He was supposed to call at 10:30 after he was finished with his business here and we were to spend the day together before he went back to his job 4 hours away. No phone call to say I'm done. No call to say I can't make it to town. Not even a damn email. So if I am so wonderful, as he says, all the others too, why do I sit here alone, all the time? What the hell makes guys think that it's so cool to have some chick sitting around just waiting for him to call? Just stay there and I'll be around when I'm ready. Well when's that going to be? When you grow some balls? And just wait...he'll have such a good excuse...and be so apologetic..just like all the others. I'm not sure which is worse anymore...a blind date with someone who turns out to look like the boogie man, or getting stood up...again.
im only 15 and i was just stood up by a guy tonight as i type this. im crushed and at my lowest point. i really feel worthless and like no guy will ever want me. Im a mess right now.:'(
I was stood up epically today. I've gone out with an old friend who moved back 3 or 4 times. We have been planning to go to the beach today for 2 weeks and I even confirmed it with him yesterday.
He was supposed to pick me up this morning at 11. Well it's 7 hours later and still no call or text and no response to my texts.
So sick of this bullshit dating world.
Ok, so I knew this guy in high school. Sophmore year, I knew he liked me, but I really wasnt interested in him back then. He was boring, just plain weird, and we had nothing in common. Once he went to college, we stopped talking.
Two years later I see him in a store and he literally runs over to me to get my number. He says than he wants to hang out sometime. So we exchange numbers and he calls me. Since it has been two years since I have even seen this guy I decide that we should communicate a little more, first, before we actually go out, because lets face it two years is a long time. But for some reason every other text message is "When can we hang out" " Do you want to hang out or what?" so I get tired and finally say yes.
Funny thing is, when we are supposed to meet each other at the mall, he never shows up.
What was his excuse? I was with a friend. .
He needs to get his priorities straight.
yeah i also just got stood up by a chick who gave me her number, meet for a 1st date, she set up the second date only to stand me up, no cal no show. I was bummed at 1st then realized that i learned a huge lesson. 1. not to get my hopes up. 2. have a back up plan. 3. laughing it off and knowing that you actually got off clean. I found out without having to waste time, effort, and money that this chick wasn't for me.
I decide that im not going to purse this women in any way after that because i'll come off as desperate if i do and also the probability of her showing up on the reschedule is even lower.
I got stood up yesterday on Valentine's day, by a girl that told me that she really liked me and we were talking for the last 5-6 months.... 9 Sam Adams winter collection beers, 2 gatorades (for the post sam adams effects), and a lot of sleep.... I still feel real damn upset still!
This girl pursued me for two weeks. Posted stuff on my facebook page. Messaged me. So I called her for three days straight, finally got a hold of her, set up the date, accommodated her, drove to her hometown, and called her the morning of the date to confirm that it was still on. And, of course, she flakes. Why?
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